Crusty Orange

Sleeping and losing weight

I have come to a conclusion about many of the “discoveries” that researches come across today; they are utter bullshit.
Recently, researchers have ” presented a conundrum to new mothers, saying that women who want to lose the extra weight gained in pregnancy should try to get more sleep.” While they gave me there blah blah blah scientific garbage, which I’ll never test myself to find out if its right or wrong, I thought about the actual statement.

More sleep apparently means losing weight. If this was true, I would have six pack abs and wouldn’t have to go to that bullshit place they call a gym in the next town over.

I tried to use my wasted years of biology to ponder the veracity of this statement, but there was not much I could recall since the class was taught at 8 in the morning. Finally, after some common sense, I cracked this mystery.


(more…)

08.Dec.07 Health Comments (0)

A-Rod is A-Idiot.

Alex Rodriguez, claimed to be the best player in baseball, is the most annoying and stuck up prick to ever play the game since John Rocker- but he was more of a general ass due to anger issues; and yes they are completely different. Earlier this off season, A-Rod decided to steal the spot light of the Red Sox World Series victory by announcing he would be opting out of his contract with the New York Yankees. I’ve prepared my take on all that occurred immediately after his announcement.

(more…)

19.Nov.07 Sports Comments (2)

RIP Joe Torre (1996-2007)

Joseph Torre, 67, beloved father, manager, and Yankee scapegoat, went peacefully to be with his Lord and Savior on October 18 after a brave, seven-year battle with failed expectations. Torre previously served as manager of the Braves, Cardinals, and Mets before arriving in the Bronx in 1996, where he led his team to four World Series championships in five years. However, following a World Series loss to Arizona in 2001, Torre’s health slowly declined, culminating in his death Thursday morning. Though he is believed to have died of natural causes, authorities have not ruled out foul play, and have taken local businessman George Streinbrenner into custody for questioning. Torre is survived by his bench coach Don Mattingly, his closer Mariano Rivera, and his beloved lapdog “Derek.” Services will be held for the fallen manager all week on ESPN’s Baseball Tonight.

19.Oct.07 Sports Comments (0)

A look at our local security.

Earlier this week, a high school in Cleveland, Ohio was home to a shooting, killing two students and two teachers with the addition of several wounded victims. The work was done by 14 year old Asa Coon who apparently was suspended at the time.

Although this is a national tragedy and I sympathize with the victims’ families, it pisses me off how shitty of a job our schools and administration do, especially after the incidents our country has witnessed before. It is my firm belief that Mr. Coon should have been employed for the U.S. government after the shooting, on a temporary basis, to enlighten the dumb assholes who are in charge of shit like this in our country.

Allow me to put this incident into a little more perspective for you readers who find my last comment a bit disturbing. Asa Coon was a suspended student immediately before the time of his shooting; the reason…a fight with fellow students. His star-like personal record harbors a juvenile court neglect case at age 4, as he came from a poor home and routinely showed up to school unkempt. When he was 12, our Daun Waun was charged in juvenile court with domestic violence, accused of attacking his mother…all fine qualities of a respectable young man… He kept up with the latest fashion, sporting a black trench coat, black boots, a dog collar, chains and a glove.

Does this sound normal to you at all? If the answer is still yes…heres the kicker. He made direct threats the week before to blow up the school and stab students. <– This should trigger the reaction: “Holy shit, holy shit, get this kid some help.” But no, apparently it was something to brush away, as a remark from such a fine student should only be taken so lightly.

There are only two guys I know who wear a single glove. The first being a homeless crazy man who walks the streets downtown, and second Michael Jackson. The latter of the two gets a lot of attention so why didn’t this kid.


(more…)

12.Oct.07 Politics/Government Comment (1)

Monogamy and a Walmart Wedding

According to The New York Times, marriage rates in the United States are at their lowest point ever, with less than 50 percent of American adults choosing to tie the knot. While Bible-thumping Wonder Bread fans across the Midwest pray to Jesus for an end to this alarming trend, I personally applaud it. Marriage is an archaic, outdated institution designed to torture the spirits of men everywhere. A lifelong, committed marriage is like Robin Williams’ career. Sure, it was kind of fun in the beginning, but after thirty years of the same old shtick you just want to lie down in a ditch and die.

Every day at work, I see the same married couples dining in awkward silence, looking about as lively and enthusiastic as Terry Schiavo in her final week. They’re like the zombies in a George Romero movie; sluggish, vapid and slowly rotting from the inside out. If I ever wake up naked next to a seventy-five year old woman (again), I’ll hit the liquor cabinet so hard they’ll have to wring my liver out like a sponge. After all, everyone already has a lifelong sexual partner…its got five fingers and doesn’t guilt-trip you if you go a little early.

Since I first learned about sex ten years ago in that Kids R’ Us dressing room (I was seven years old, you bastard!) I’ve come to appreciate what a spontaneous, liberating rush it can be. The constant search for new and interesting sexual partners is one of the most natural human activities. After all, we’re only a few generations removed from the apes. Monogamy is an unrealistic expectation for a species descended from furry shit-throwers (no offense to Robin Williams.)


(more…)

08.Oct.07 General Comments (0)

Why hip-hop music should be made illegal.

If you have ever turned on the radio, and browse for your favorite station, and happen to hit a pop or hip-hop/r&b station on your way…don’t stop. If you attempt to listen to it for more then 5 seconds, your brain might explode. Although this has not been proven scientifically, don’t think it won’t happen, because it will . Pop music today sucks. I don’t understand why that crap is still allowed on the radio. I use to be a fan of that music….I mean who doesn’t enjoy something up beat which is easy to dance to. It makes moves like “making the pizza” or “going shopping” look somewhat alright around others, and you could even do a basic two step to not look like a complete failure…but the stuff they play over the air today shouldn’t be called pop music. I think it should be called “Hey…I can repeat the same line over and over again”

I was at the gym the other day, and of course, those places have it set to one radio station: pop stations- they are neutral ground for wanna-be Iron men and the old guys who are kidding themselves. This new Justin Timberlake song came out of the speakers and within two minutes I was done with my workout. I literally had lost my motivation to exercise because my brain was slowly deteriorating by listening to that garbage.

Honestly, has anyone ever counted, how many times they say “girl” or “baby”. Every other line is “…blahblahblah girlll” or “…icantsing babyy“.


(more…)

02.Oct.07 Entertainment Comment (1)

Why shopping has become too much effort.

In today’s world, when you want to shop, you better have more then your car key’s and wallet or purse. Big corporate chains now want you to make sure you are carrying their “cards” when you walk out the door to your local supermarket or department store.

I am officially convinced it is impossible to buy anything without being asked “do you have your “so-and-so” rewards card today? What is this garbage? First, I have to give them another card that does absolutely nothing, except mark down prices that should already be marked down, and then take out another card to actually pay for it? Is it just me, or does this sounding a little silly yet?

Today, Sunday, I went to go run some errands and pick up some common food items for the game as well as a new razor blade (not for the game). I thought to myself, two quick stops and I should be home before kickoff (which was in 30 minutes) and the stores were no more then a mile away from my house. Apparently, I had absolutely no idea how incredibly wrong I would be.


(more…)

24.Sep.07 General Comments (2)

U.S. Physicists Shock the World

“You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure it out…” - a common phrased used to demoralize a fellow peer who, at the time, might display a sheer moment of, what I like to call, “idiomacy”. Well today, this phrase takes on a new meaning.

The ever so brilliant U.S. physicists concluded on Thursday that steroids can help increase performance, especially in regards to baseball’s home run scandals. “An extra 10 pounds of muscle, he said, could add just enough extra to a batter’s swing to send the ball out of the park, or at least into the stands.”

Thank you for enlightening me. Without your valiant effort, I would have never put two and two together to understand that someone taking steroids is going to be able to hit a ball farther, thus hitting more home runs.

This is why China and India will one day surpass the U.S. in their economics and scientific research. The physicists in those countries have understood that steroids leads to further muscle development…and I guess they went on some crazy limb…when they deduced that this would lead to more power at the plate…maybe this is why they don’t have baseball overseas either….


(more…)

21.Sep.07 Health Comments (0)

The good out of the Michael Vick Scandal

Before I get a boat load of bitchy emails accusing me of supporting Michael Vick, I would like to start off by formally declaring, “I am in no way of supporting Michael Vick or his dog abusing ways.” Now that it’s out of the way…allow me to say how much pleasure I have received from the scandal. I’ve learned that the stereotype which claims that professional athletes have poor intelligence is still correct. I have not heard much of Vick and his case after he was found guilty in court, but I recall reading online that he has been recently spotted in several PETA meetings attempting to pick up women.

I would like to thank Michael for helping me decide what I should dress as for Halloween. Read further before you think I have the lack of creativity only to dress as a quarterback:


(more…)

20.Sep.07 Sports Comments (0)

Legislation now wants to control our wardrobe?

In Atlanta, the city council is considering an amendment to ban baggy pants. They feel that this type of fashion sense is distasteful as it shows off the undergarments of many men. Also…they claim to be looking out for the physical health of these patrons… ‘ “It kind of doesn’t make sense. It is hard for people to walk,” Martin said.’

I made a new category for this post; “Just Plain Ridiculous,” and for good reason. I read this news feed online, and almost shit myself senseless. Since when has it become the right of our government to control how I want to wear my pants. What if I choose not to wear any pants at all? Are they gonna ban the right to show off legs? I don’t understand how this is any different then just wearing a plain bathing suit. At least pants cover up the legs, who cares if they are low? It’s not like he has nothing else underneath it!

The best part of this story is the racial profiling. I was pretty pissed at the way the Atlanta city council put some of their points, as it was a blatant method to complain about the dress of certain ethnic groups.


(more…)

18.Sep.07 Just Plain Ridiculous Comment (1)